Sleeping arrangements

[tep]

Dear all,
I am interested to find out how those with children arrange their children for sleeping times. I have come to understand that is the norm for children to sleep in the same room as their parents, even in the same bed. I have met parents that continue this practice even when the children are of teenage years.
I have done things differently yet it has required lots of patience and persistence. When I arrived as a step-dad, my wife was sleeping with both the 4-year old and 7-year old in the same bed. We are renting a large house with 7 beds and I wanted my wife to myself ....so I put the children in separate rooms. The eldest coped very well but the youngest didn't and regularly threw tantrums. She probably felt abandoned. We then put the girls together. The little one stopped her outbursts but kept her sister up to all hours....result was two tired grumpy children in the morning  I decided to try again and separate the girls again. This time it has worked! The bed-time routine has been the key. Brushing teeth, glass of milk and two stories (one Thai and one English) then 10 minutes spent with each girl just talking or playing. It has been hard work to turn this around.
Any similar anecdotes? Tep

[Saf]

Well done Tep! That must have been a difficult transition. The most important part, of course, was encouraging the children to accept change rather than forcing them. The way that you went about it will probably pay you benefits in years to come, especially the fact that you spend time with them.

[blue eyes]

Everyone will raise their children in the way that they see fit.Western ways really are different then rural Thai ways.We will raise our children as best we can in the Thai way,because they will reside most of their young life in Thailand.When they are of age and can make their own decision to go to America for collage or not that is up to them.But I see no problem with sleeping in the same room.The same bed as a teenager I would have to draw the line ,but same room,no problem.I belive that the same room would have to go back to the "poor rural" Thai homes haveing only 1 or 2 rooms.That would explain the reasoning for everyone in the same room.Even in our home in USA the wife would like everyone in the same room.That does not happen but that does give us an idea of the thought process of my wife.I do like the thought of a close family unit and I belive that is the reasoning behind the one room sleeping arangments.To each his own.

[Saf]

It was also very common in England when poor families were large and their houses were small. As many as 10 children would sleep in the same bed., let alone the same room. These days, it's regarded as an unsatisfactory arrangement.

[DUVEL]

blue eyes,
although I let my child sleep alone I keep on thinking that perhaps you have a point there.
perhaps it is better for the family and the" strong family feeling " that younger children sleep together in one room. Why not? they have later all the time to learn to be independent. Perhaps it is better to give them a strong family feeling when they are young. A kind of feeling of togetherness,. .. Sorry, I am looking for the right words here.
We can start the same topic about bathing. Is it normal to take a bath with your child or not??? Are you a pedophile when yuou take a bath with your young children? Until what age are we allowed to bath together with our children??
Something to think about......

[Bryan(of Oz)]

G'day all,

Beds? Bedrooms? Sleeping together? I don't recall anything like this when I was a kid.

We were too busy fighting for a sleeping spot under the stairs because the local air-raid shelter had been bombed! 

Bathing with ones own children can be a heathy fun activity....saves on water bills too....but girls especially usually become reluctant to continue this regime once they start to reach puberty. For that matter, so do many young boys. Common sense, accompanied by an explanation to the child that it is time for some privacy be allowed...and WHY.

This can save some shameful albeit totally uneccessary embarrassment for the child.

Having raised three well adjusted, mature and confident daughters now in their 30's and 40's, I can safely say that honesty and respect, coupled with sensitivity, is the best policy. Naturally, it should be a two-way street.

[Saf]

Yup, once they're in their 30's it's really time to stop bathing with them!

[tep]

Interesting points Bryan and Duvel about bathing. I shower the two girls every day. It is an activity that is natural, is helping bond us more as a family unit and also ensures that the girls remain hygenic. I simply see it as a parent's role, whether it is carried out by the mother or father. Unfortunately popular culture can make "us", meaning men question such an activity.
When teaching within Melbourne I found it difficult to accept how male teachers were scrutinised differently to female teachers. What I mean is I was made to feel wierd about hugging  small children....yet children saw me as a father figure just as they equally saw the female teachers as mother figures. This irks me. Children crave affection and some are more needy than others. It is about common sense.
Tep

[Jeff1]

Yup, once they're in their 30's it's really time to stop bathing with them!

Yes, By the time your children are 30, it is time to start bathing with other peoples children that are thirty..............What??

[Bryan(of Oz)]

Yup, once they're in their 30's it's really time to stop bathing with them!

Hahahaha! Saf you kill me!

Its funny how each kid is different. The eldest girl started to want privacy at a very young age.
Number 2 did'nt show any signs at all untill about age 11-12, and number 3 did'nt give a damn whether she bathed or not! LOL. Well, not quite, but you get the picture!

[Bryan(of Oz)]

Tep.....you make valid points re the teaching situation.

As you are no doubt aware, the scrutinising of male teachers, indeed ANY male, whose work brings them into contact with children, is a legal requirement in many instances here in Oz.

Physical contact with children, except in some sporting contexts, is certainly forbidden. Even if a child is seeking solace and comfort, woe betide a male teacher who gives it as a cuddle or pat on the head. He will probably be accused of sexual assault or worse and made to appear to be a predator...with all the recriminations that go with it. Additionally, he possibly faces Department of Education investigation and any charges incurred.

Whilst I have no problem with teachers, like any other professional, being given the once over for employment suitability, surely its time for a re-look at how far the pendulum has swung?