You Know When You Have Been In Thailand Too Long When:

[wharria]

You know you've been in Thailand too long when:

You think it?s normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATMs.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You can?t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love and you understand the analogy.

You aren?t upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles.

You haven?t had a solid stool for five years.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

You understand when your Thai wife says, ?My friend you? or ?Same, same, but different.?

A Thai bar girl you?ve just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You realize that your Thai wife?s loyalties belong to
1. Her parents.
2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her.
3. Any remaining blood relatives.
4. The family buffalo.
5. The family?s goldfish.
6. You.

The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you?re not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror.

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start wearing slippers everywhere

You start driving cars barefoot

You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of videotapes.

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

It?s two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside.

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter 'S'. Sanuk (Fun), Saduak (convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay pretty).

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay.

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.

[Pompui]

I agree with all except I'd be surprised if you are number 6. Don't forget Buddha, her friends, the local som tum shop owner/cook and the soi dogs. 

[Leicester]

 Thanks for a good laugh

But all true

[logisticsmcgyver]

Great One!!! don't forget when she starts to to feed you the yellow powder and says it's just for curry!!

[TeeRoy]

Your neighbors decide that after 9pm is the best time to start to fly their (large) kites, knowing the law of gravity will prevail eventually. If you're lucky, after it's death spiral, it will crash to the ground a few inches from your car, if not , (based on pass performances) it will become entangled in your electric service cables, UBC dish, trees in your garden, or the compound fence. Of course, your dogs are constantly barking, inhibiting your attempts to sleep, due to all the shouting between the kite launchers & flyers, who appear to feel it's okay to use your dry rice patties around your house for their playground.    TIT

[Vinnie]

You walk very slowly, down the middle of a very narrow pavement, completely unaware of the queue of 50 people behind trying to get past.

[rdrokit]

You've been watching a movie on the tube for the past 10 minutes and just realize it is in Thai even though you don't speak Thai.

[dereklev]

You've been watching a movie on the tube for the past 10 minutes and just realize it is in Thai even though you don't speak Thai.

I watched 30 minutes of a football game on Sunday before I realised the commentary was in Thai...

[Vinnie]

Instead of blowing your nose once, you continually sniff the mucus back up your nose several hundred times like a bloody child!!!
Sorry, touched a nerve, the wife has a cold at the moment and I can't get to sleep because of her incessant sniffing!

[rdrokit]

You know you've been in Thailand too long when:

The foot prints on the toilet seat are yours!

[Loz]

You know you've been here too long when:

You peel into fast flowing traffic on your motorcycle without so much as a cursory glance over your right shoulder because budda will protect you until he wants to meet you.

You help the girl in the internet cafe sitting next to you write her invoices to her various farang boyfriends.

you think it more normal to put ice in your booze instead of keeping your booze on ice.

the foot prints on the food serving counter at Mcdonalds or KFC are your own childs.

you have to have to go back to the food serving counter to retreive the nappy you just changed out there.

you think the bus stop at rajabhat is better than a coyote bar cos it opens early and is free!

you ask everyone how much everything costs and then reply with the blanket phrase, "hmmm, expensive".

[Loz]

oh how could I forget...

you've been here too long when you are walking into a path obstructed by oncoming people and your response is to duck down INTO their path and cower like you expect they might trample over you (which they bloody should!!!)

you can practice this one in the mall. Every other fcuker does.

[ArmySteve]

When you say done it to all above!

[joefarang]

ha ha ha!

guilty to most of the above (the worst ones) .....

[SDJohn]

When that mass of long black hair all over the floor is considered to be a carpet.

[rdrokit]

When that mass of long black hair all over the floor is considered to be a carpet.

That would never happen at my house as my wife has a dust fetish. She dusts and mops the floors every day and cleans the screens once a week.

[Orchid]

Never Too Long.. 

[johnboy]

 you see a man in his 70s with two 18 year old girls on his arm and dont even blink twice.

[dutch]

you see a man in his 70s with two 18 year old girls on his arm and dont even blink twice.

You mean H.Hughes with his 5 blonds?

[Korat-DK]

you see a man in his 70s with two 18 year old girls on his arm and dont even blink twice.

You mean H.Hughes with his 5 blonds?

NO, it can't be HH, because he is in his "80s".       

[dutch]

you see a man in his 70s with two 18 year old girls on his arm and dont even blink twice.

You mean H.Hughes with his 5 blonds?

NO, it can't be HH, because he is in his "80s".       

Mr.Berl. from Italy (he had 18 year olds)

[Jeff1]

I think you mean Hugh Hefner 

[dutch]

You are correct Jeff1.
 

[TeeRoy]

You receive your electric bill on (the 21st) Wed. a.m., notice Fri. is a holiday, and you decide to be proactive and pay the bill on Wed afternoon. You drive into town only to be told, "to-ma-low, to-ma-low", pointing to the (very) fine print on the bottom of the bill written in Thai, stating pay between Thurs, 22nd & the 31st.
It appears the computer software will not accept payments of the date of billing, go figure.... To accept my payment to be entered the next a.m., and write me a handwritten receipt, like previously done the many times when the "comp no work", was too much of a challenge, and thus a wasted trip.....
Like many other public offices, public service does not appear to be a priority.

[joefarang]

you know you've been in thailand too long when you start spectating inappropriate events

eg. car/motorcyle accidents, sudden illness(saw a huge crowd at a heart attack in MBK in BKK once), police arrests -  anyone in diffculty basically should consider selling tickets