Flying Visit

[Bullitt]

The wife came down to Krueng Thep from Phimai a while ago.
She said that she felt guilty about leaving me on my own and
how she should be taking care of me etc.

I suppose, too long in Isaan gets her thinking about the big bad
city and the temptations therein, and how she knows that my idea
of fighting temptation is to give in to it.

So there she was in the doorway one night screaming, Sluplise!!!,
with a look on her face that said, "sh!t, I hope he's alone",  which
of course I was.

After she settles in and gives the maid a right royal dressing down
for not keeping the place clean enough, (I thought it was spotless
to be honest), and after she has checked the whole house for long
black hairs, and after she has done her annual checkout at the
hospital, and eye clinic and renewed her driving licence, she then
announces that she "kitungs the Baan" and the dogs and cats and
is wondering and worrying about the garden. (the fact that we pay
3k a month for a lass to take of the garden and the animals
doesn't seems to register).

She went on about how I should take a couple of weeks off and
come home and relax, but the words "too busy" and "lots of work"
don't really compute with her.

I can understand where she is coming from, she has never had her
own house before, so she wants to take care of it and at the same
time she is worried that she will lose her Falang, (who takes care of
her), to some Bangkok strumpet.

So now she's on her way home and I'm in a bit of a daze.
I guess the house won.

(Im busy, my work comes first, she was starting to getting
on my nerves anyway).

Cheers,

Bullitt.

[Bullitt]

Mrs Bullitt has decided that she will spend the rest of eternity in Phimai.

She has a new puppy who needs love and attention and the Happy Garden needs constant love and tender care.

We have termites in my office room, who have eaten the wooden skirting and need to be extermiated on an ongoing basis.

We have had a lot of rain recently so she has to monitor the ceiling in case of leaks.

A womens work is never done, or so she tells me.

She hates The Big Mango with a passion, (makes her eyes itch something awful), so she has no intention of gracing Bangkok with her presence, in this life or the next.

Oh, and the fish need feeding, ..........every morning.

.....but,........... being a pragmatic, sensible sort of lass, she knows that no money means no honey and so Yours Truly has the run of the hen house, in a manner of speaking.

Oh well, ........necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows. and you know the old saying:
If you love something let it go,
If it comes back,  it's yours,
If it doesn't, ........... hunt it down and kill it.

Now if this had happened ten years ago, I would have the best of both worlds but timing has never been my strong point. Bangkok nightlife holds little interest for me these days.

I was made to promise that I will make the four and a half hour drive there and the four and a half hour drive back faithfully every month to spend a weekend at  'home',  and that I will remain faithful and true.

I'll let you know how I get on.............. or not


..........in the meantime, here is some music.
Her name was Lola / She was a showgirl / With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there...........

[Wayne]

LOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOLA,

[Bullitt]

A man can only suffer so much cable TV, book reading and internet surfing.
The nightly phone calls from the female Bullitt, always ending with
the repetitive, don't smoke too much, don't drink too much, be careful, don't look computer too long, don't sleep too late, be careful, take care your body, be careful, and on and on ad infinite.......
gets really tiresome. ..........she means well I suppose.

Living alone in Bangkok has it's pros......... and it has it's cons......... and to tell you the truth, I was fed up weighing up these pros and cons and eventually decided that a good old fashioned lost weekend was in order.

I thought it might reduce my stress and blood pressure levels, which could definately do with a bit of reducing.

Althought I can remember nothing of my past lost weekends, I always had this feeling that I had a real good time, and the sight of my empty wallet when I surfaced on Sunday afternoon did nothing to diminish this feeling.

So I considered the situation........... and to my great surprise, I decided that,......that was another time and another world,..... and I am not that man anymore....but, ....still,....I had to get out.

Bilbo Baggins once said, "It's a dangerous business going out your front door, you step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you may be swept off to".

So I considered again...........ok Bilbo, thanks for the advice but I'm still going out.

I could have called some friends and spent the night with them. but I'm really not a people person and I always preferred going out alone when I felt this way,........ 'lets do it and see what happens'  has always been a motto, and so far, it has always turned out ok,.....suprisingly well most times.

First stop Soi Cowboy,.........well it's the nearest watering hole for me.
I sat on one of the bars that had outside seating and did a bit of people watching.
It was pretty pathetic, and I suppose, if the truth be told, it always was.

Next stop Nana........ even worse. Thoughts such as, 'what the fuvk am I doing here'  came to mind and I remembered the thought I had earlier,
'I' am not that man anymore'....... and so...... I headed up market.

Normally I never go to the expensive places on my own, only on the company's expense account, but this was not a normal time and enough of that Nana and Cowboy bollocks, I thought, I'm making an escape attempt here, (as Del Boy says, 'Who Dares Wins, Rodney').

Next stop, Bamboo Bar, Oriental Hotel, for a nice atmosphere and some real good Jazz music.
Spent a couple of nice hours there and had a nice conversation, albeit periodically, with a nice waitress I know who works there.
When I decided to leave and got the bill, there was a very sharp reminder of what 'up market" means, but never mind, escape attempts where never easy.

Next stop The Witches Tavern on Thonglor, or as the wife calls it,
Baan Mare Moet.
Nice place, always liked it, but not really a place to go on your own.
Made me feel....... well........ alone.

Then I remembered, I was in Soi 55 and there was some really good jazz clubs off the main drag, that I used to go to, (or was taken to), way back in 92 when I first came to Siam.

By this time I was,  err,..... mellow?...... shall we say? and I can not tell you how I got there, but I found myself in a jazz club off 55 that I had not been in since 92 - 93, still there, still the same and the music was just as good.

Contrary to the typical Farang opinion about Thai musicians, there are some excellant musicians in Thailand, on a par with,...... err,......... other countries.

These bars have the odd Farang here and there but the client's are mostly Thai, but a decent crowd, no hassle.

I woke up the next morning, thankful that I was alone, with a tune in my head which I couldn't shake.

"So tenderly your story is, nothing more than what you see, or what you've done, or will become.
Standing strong,  do you belong,  in your skin?...........Just wondering.
Gentle now,  a tender breeze blows,  whispers through my Gran Torino.
Whistling another tired song.
The Engine humms and bitter dreams grow.
Heart locked  in a Gran Torino.
Beats a lonely rhythm all night long,..............Beats a lonely rhythm all night long.................

I guess that was the last song I heard before I went 'home',...... kinda appropriate I thought.

Checked the wallet, still had some Baht in it,......... not a bad night I thought....................all things considered........

[Bullitt]

My car doesn't get out much, and if cars could feel, I guess it would have been all excited about the journey ahead,........ open road and all that.........

I wasn't that enthusiastic, but still, I had to face up to my responsibilities and make the promised monthly journey 'home',
so off I went,....... into the very early morning.

I'm alright once I get on 'home',...... I mean..........It maybe a sleepy little hamlet type place, but I have to admit that despite the lack of decent resturaunts, bars, coffee shops,  book shops,  shopping malls, decent cinemas, deli's, real supermarkets, gallerys, music stores, and
so on,......... it's,..........well........ I kind of like it,....... I think.

I guess that most of the above mentioned amenities are availabe in Korat in some form or another, about 45 minutes away,
(or 25 minutes away, if the wife is driving), so I suppose it's all there, sort of........... if I need it.

It could be, that the appeal of living in Issan is a desire to return to, (what we imagine are), simpler times, (and Isaan certainly has simplicity in spades), but what ever it is,........it feels,........ ok.............. once I'm there.

It's just a pain in the ar.se going up there, because as we all know, Kreng Thep is a big, dirty, smelly city, full of crazies, and going back to Bangkok after having been in the country is ........well,.........not easy.

Bottom line is, I'm just trying to make it to the end game, and live a quite life, so with that in mind,.......everytime I visit, I don't want to leave.


Anyway..........
I got  'home' around 11.00 am, and as I drove up to the house,  there was Mrs Bullitt, with the gate open,........ as usual.               
How the fuvk does she do that?  Radar's got nothing on that woman.

Every time I go 'home', I have to bring a bottle of red and a bottle of white.
Oh,......and a large pan pizza, which takes her a day and a half to consume.

She despatches the wine the first night,....... all by herself.........she's talented that way.

The first night is spent kinda quite. It takes me a while to wind down.
She has learnt this, (the hard way), so she doesn't ask to many
questions for a day or so.


The next morning I was brand new.
As usual, I always enjoy waking up in Isaan to the birds chirpin, (although the little bastards keep shitting on the house), and the cows and chickens making those....... cow and chicken type noises,........ very,....... err,......country...ish.

That particular morning, I woke up to church bells ringing,..........
really loud,....... and for a moment I thought I was in Bangkok and the church down the Soi was all excited about some religious thing. 

I soon realised I was in fact in Isaan, but how the fuvk had a church sprung up next door and why hadn't the wife mentioned this?

Had she been converted by some missionaries? Would she try and make me a believer?

I went out onto the balcony expecting to see the Spanish Inquisition in the garden ready to judge me for my many sins.

Surprisingly enough, I didn't feel like a complete idiot when I saw four of those tubular wind chimes strung up around the balcony.
All blowing in the breeze and sounding exactly like the church down the Soi on steriods.

I don't like feeling like an idiot at my age. At my age I should be all experianced and cool, so I told myself that it was an honest mistake and that these chimes sounded exactly like church bells, which they did, so it was an honest mistake and that was ok.

I don't get suprised anymore, every time the wife sneaks up behind me, (although she assures me that she definately does not........and has never sneaked!).
So I was ok when the wife's voice behind me said, 

'Good for no have kee nok'.
'Does it work' I asked.
'Mai,......... but good sound,......... no?'
'It's a bit loud...........have the neighbours complained?'
'Up to them!.........breakfast is ready......... already loaw'.

The obligatory trip to Korat makes her happy because that means a stop at the Mall and lots of shopping, which of course I pay for. 
I still can't quite figure out how this happened.
I give her a monthly salary so how come I pay every time we go to the Mall?
I asked her once and she said, 'The Malls a Farlang thing,.......
expensive,......... you must to pay'.
I didn't persue that.. ........Thai logic and all that,.......not worth the hassle.

She keeps looking at Honda Jazz cars and asking if their fast.
I keep changing the subject,........... but she's wearing me down.
Anybody know where I can buy a good cheap second hand Honda Jazz, preferably really bright yellow so people can see her coming and get out of the way in time?

A couple of afternoons later, (after I've answered all the questions and done the odd jobs about the house), I'm lying on the hammock, on the porch, listening to time tick tock my life away, and admiring Mrs Bullitt's Happy Garden, (I wish I was a poet so I could discribe it to you), and wondering what life would be like when I eventually retire.

Would the wife revert  'entirely'  into Thai village life and would I be assimilated like a Borg drone into the same, ..........or would I end up like Colonel Kurtz, with my face painted blue.

I decided that I'd be fine, because, althought I work hard and long,
I do so because I need to, (I'm not that clever, but I make up for it by hard work), in actual fact, I'm a natural born lazy bugger, who can be quite content doing fuvk all,........all day,........so I think, I'll like retirement.

The other issue that gets me thinking, on these lazy hammock afternoons, is the visa situation, the rules of which seem to be subject to change on a regular basis and are shrouded in, and are applied in, a foggy, misty, blurry, inconsistant and haphazzard kind of way.

I decided that, this is just typical, 'Thai fuvking about syndrome', and if you are over fifty and can show the required amount in the bank every year,....... then forget about it.

I will no doubt revive these issues on my next lazy hammock afternoon, but for now the universe and the force are in balance,........ so fuvk it.

As Izzy Einstein used to say, "Time is Relevant".
When your at work, time seems to drag, but when you are in the Happy Garden, it just races by.
And so, it came to pass that my visit 'home' was over, and I was on my way back.

Mrs Bullitt gets all moody and pissy when this day comes around and mutter's incoherent Thai stuff, but it's best to ignore this.

The journey back is always longer than the journey there it seems, (relevancy again), but all things must pass and I find myself in Kreung Thep again,..............soon enough.


My car doesn't get out much, and if cars could feel, I guess it would  be all sad about sitting in it's parking space for another month,..............
I know I was,........ to be honest.

[Jeff1]

A good read and a few LOL's 
Keep em coming.

[Big Kev]

Very enjoyable read and funny as ....

So how long is this monthly trip to the village going to occur for eg: 1 year, 10 years?

[koratbob]

Well, Bullet I do think that if you are ever tired of working and want to retire, I think you have a calling to become a spot on writer during your retirement. Very nice to read this.

KB

[Bullitt]

Yes, it's true.
I'm a cad and a rogue.
I'm a scoundrel and a bounder.

In my defence, I did have a particularly aggravating month and desperately needed some time to myself.
I have been told several times that I am a Jekyll and Hyde character, and on this particular occassion Hyde definately had the upper hand.

If you believe in God, (as most Jurys do), then He is to blame, because
He made me what I am.

Well, that's about it, I'm sorry to say. Pathetic as it sounds,...........
the defense rests.

I had called the wife, who was all excited and said that she had just cultivated the reddest rose that had ever dared to bloom in Isaan and it was good I was coming home soon, so I could see it before the relentless Isaan sun consumed it.
(Or Thai words to that effect).

She has been known to distort the truth slightly, but that didn't make me feel any better.  I already felt guilty.

I gave her some bollocks about deadlines and pressure and such nonsense and the resulting silence was,............. well,..............quiet deafening.

When she came round, she graciously but reluctantly accepted my excuses, but of course, it was obvious, even to a moron like me, that she was not a happy bunny.

Considering where I was planning on going, calling Mrs Bullitt a bunny is probably quiet inappropriate.

Never,break a promise to The Thai.
To The Thai, a promise is a promise, not some words to be discarded at a later date.
If you break a promise to The Thai, they will never forget and although they may smile a lot, don't be mislead, you are unlikely to ever be forgiven.

(Note to self:  take your own advice).

I was planning on going to a quaint little fishing village just a couple of hours south east of Krung Thep called Pattaya.
I had not been there for many years but I wanted to get lost for a while and as you guys may well know, one can not only get lost there, but one can absolutely disappear...............in more ways than one.

It only took me a half hour into the journey to start to feel guilty again.

It's a strange thing to be sure.
As far as women are concerned, I never used to suffer from these guilt feelings.
Mrs Bullitt is not the most sophisticated woman I've ever been with, nor does she seem, the most intelligent, so why does she have this effect?

I arrived about 1 pm and booked into the hotel, had a sleep and.............the guilt feelings where begining to fade.

I went out early evening and had a look around.

What can I say;
For those of you who have not been to Pattaya for as long as I have, please be aware that it has not changed much at all.
It is still the same old Pattaya that we all know and love........or hate.......or love to hate......or hate to love.......whatever blows your skirt up.

Having said that..................my Pattaya is probably as different to yours as yours is to mine.

Seemed to be a lot more ladyboys around than I remember.
I went into a bar in a Soi just off walking street for a beer.
I thought I'd found the Mother Ship, it was full off them.

What does one do in a situation like this?
Do you about turn and head for the door or do you order a beer and act all nonchalant like.
Hyde ordered a beer and bought a drink for two of the................err................girls.
Hyde might be a risk taker but fortunately his taste in women are the same as mine so we drank the beer and moved on.

By late evening I was propositioned so many times from girls in the bars and girls passing by that I began to think that I may actually be a Hansum man after all.

Fast Forward:
It's 1 am, I'm in walking street again.  It's very busy with people coming and going.
The lights are still on and the music is still playing.
I'm having my last drink before heading back when the most beautiful creature imaginable, somehow, out of nowhere, appears at my side.

When you think about it....... ......God makes some beautiful
things ............doesn't he?

Now there's another strange thing, I stopped believing in God many years ago and that was a weight off my mind,................... but I do miss Him sometimes.

She tells me, in graphic detail, about the amazing time I will have if I take her for the night and I am sorely tempted.
Her face is flawless, her body is a rock, she is a siren, a goddess, a Thai Angelina Jolie, she smells wonderful, but there is something wrong,.............. she smells like,.......... and here's where it gets silly............the wife's Garden.

The guilt feelings come flooding back like a Tsunami.........Hyde has vanished.

I suppose an explanation is in order:
About 8 o'clock in the evening, in the wife's garden, at most times of the year, the flowers let out this perfume, which is so strong it's a regular topic of conversation in the village.
It's intoxicating and should definately be bottled.


Have you ever tried checking out of a Pattaya hotel at 2 am?
It ain't the simplest thing in the world.

I drove from Pattaya to Phimai...............7 hours.
I arrived 'home' about 8 am. The wife said: Are you ok? Are you hungry?
You look tired, do you want to sleep?

I stayed 3 days............... not a peep from her about deadlines or pressure or work.
Not a peep about why I said was not coming home and then turned up at her gate unexpected.

Just that knowing smile..............

I think I must have built our home in some sort of twilight time warp zone. Three days in the Happy Garden goes past in the wink of an eye.

 I did see the red rose though, and it was indeed a sight to behold.


I was driving back to the Big Mango, in the back of my head Hyde was thinking about the flawless, siren, goddess girl. She was coming and going, in and out of my mind.

I knew I would never see her again, even if I drove all the way through to Pattaya.


What a waste of time the Pattaya flying visit was. What did I think I was doing?

I am a practical kind of guy, I am not sentimental in the least and the wife knows I am no Angel,......but some rhetorical questions need to be written here.

Did I go because I'm afraid of getting old and wanted to prove something?
Did I dismiss the siren girl because I am indeed getting old and sentimental?

Or is Mrs Bullitt a Witch.....................as I always suspected?

Who knows...................who cares?

[Bullitt]

For those of you that have never been next door............

I made a flying visit to Cambodia, Phnom Penh, on the 6th -7th  April 2010.

Never been there before, never had any inclination to go.

My boss, (a very classy Thai Chinese lady, who was the subject of a very well written post by Yours Truly, (even if I say so myself), which was disgracefully removed from the board for some strange reason), asked me to go represent her because she was otherwise engaged.

She is the best boss I have ever had and rarely asks for favours, so what could I say but ok, for you............

The flight was with Bangkok Airways and was good, both there and back. Phnom Penh airport is small but works fine. Flight was about 50 minutes.

The hotel was a bit weird.
In the main foyer they had this enormous statue of the Lord Buddha and right next to it was an open plan casino. I'm not a religous man, but it didn't seem quite right to me.

It is open 24 hours. I walked thru this casino on my way back to my room after breakfast the next morning at 7.30 am and there where people playing the slot machines and tables and they looked like they had been there all night.

Phnom Penh. is small and congested, but it had an easy feeling to it. After the meeting, which started at the ungodly hour of 5 pm and lasted till 9 pm. I was taken to some open bars by the riverside. These to are open 24 hours a day also.

Most transactions are in US dollars. I was told that even the ATMs spit out dollars, sometimes.

On our way to the meeting we past by this same place and I saw a lot of farangs sitting about, they did not look like tourists, more like residents and when we went back in the evening there where still a lot of the same type sitting around.

I was there for two days. I usually get a feeling for a place on a first visit and I guess if I was forced to go work there I would be reasonably ok with it, (although it did have a strange kinda of twilight zone feel to it).

The people, (the locals), where pleasant enough.
I have heard that they hate the Thais and that the Thais hate them, and as we will have a large Thai team going there to work, I spoke to a few of the local company lads about this and they said, "no plobrem", they said,.........."There are many Thais working and living here and although we are not blood brothers, we get on ok".

Not sure about this, when I told Mrs Bullitt I was going there she got all agitated and threatened to come with me as a bodyguard.

Unlike Bangkok where there are police everywhere you look, I dont think I seen one in the two days I was there.

Well, that was my flying visit to Cambodia, I wouldn't recommend it as a retirement place but if you fancy a visit it's worth a look.

By the way, you will need to pay 25 US dollars at a counter just before immigration when you leave the country.

Oh........ and I found it a little bit more expensive that Bangkok, which surprised me.

[Loz]

can't beleive I only just found this blog. A great little read!

[Bullitt]

I understood that a Witch's familiar was always a cat,........ a black cat,....... well, apparently not always.

Mrs Bullitt's familiar is a dog and a real big bugger he is too.
He doesn't look like a Thai dog, he looks more like a long haired Labrador, but much bigger, and is as black as the mines of Moria.

I've seen what the wife says is his parents and he dont look nothing like them either,......... very strange.

He is extremely protective of the her.
Stands on the top stair, leading up to the front door, every night about 8'oclock and barks in that deep voice of his for about 10 minutes.
As if to say, "don't even think about coming near here till morning".

Will not let anyone on the grounds unless they are invited in.
Will not take any food from a stranger or any food that is not in his bowl.


So,........Mrs Bullitt had him trained up as a top notch security dog,
yes? ................no.
She trained him herself,.......yes? ............... definately no.
I bought her a Thai lanquage video about dog training. When I put it on for her she doesn't last 10 minutes without falling asleep.

He's about nine months old now and doesn't seem to have stopped growing yet.
(I reckon she's putting some of her witch's brew in his food).

He knows I sleep with his mistress so he is tolerant of me, but gives me some wierd looks sometimes.

The wife's other dog, a little yappy toy dog who used to bark constantly is very quite now and keeps to himself.

The cats seem to like him though.


The other night, she asked me to explain the Christian concept of Heaven and Hell.
I really didn't want to have this conversation as I am intolerant of any religion so I just gave her the gist of it.

"Bad people go to Hell and good people go to Heaven" I told her.

Now she's going to ask me what I mean by good and bad I thought, and sure enough.............

"What mean bad people" she asked.

"Well you know, people who lie, cheat, drink, swear, fornicate a lot, ....... that kind of thing" says I, (desperately trying to think of something to say to change the subject).

She mulls this over for a moment and then declares that if the Christian concept is true, then she would rather go to Hell, because all of her friends will be there.

"You'll definietly be there", she informs me.

(Well, if there is a Christian God, then I know I've fallen from grace, but all things considered, I'd rather have an Aston Martin).

She thinks that, given the criteria for entry, there could not be many people in Heaven and so it would be really boring.

She's probably right.



With that, she got up and begun one of her garden inspection tours, shadowed by her black dog.

I watched them for a while. Everytime she stopped to inspect a tree or bush, the dog would sit with his back to her and look left and right before settling down to wait for her to move off again.

There's definitely something strange about this mutt, I thought.


Anyway, the garden grows and changes. It looks different each time I visit.
The house changes also, as we add paintings and ornaments, and bits of furniture inside and out, etc.

It's not only material changes that are taking place, there are some life changes also.
The black dog for instance,....... but more subtle changes too.

I think living apart, (three years now, after seventeen together, all over Asia), is definitely changing our relationship.

It's just small things but they are there.

She seems much more resigned, more calm, more mature I guess,........... or do I mean older?

There is also a slight distance between us that I never felt before,......... or maybe it's just my imagination.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think it actually changes the heart to be honest.

I think we are growing apart.

I might have to change my flying visits to a more permanent arrangement.............. or pay a price.

[Jeff1]

Oh, it's getting good now.

[Wayne]

I think she wishes you were that dog, you funny looking bastard